Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
