just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
