Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
