I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
