Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
