Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
