DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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