He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
