there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
