Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
