i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
