Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Randomize
