1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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