oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
