All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
