I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
