I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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