OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
