Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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