dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
