I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
