ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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