you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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