we have pet lesbian snakes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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