I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
