if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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