this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
