You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
