she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
