Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
