You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize