So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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