Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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