He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
