Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
