I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
