Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
