Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
