had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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