There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need to align my fucking chakras
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
