is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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