my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
