Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
