I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this just has baby written all over it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
false alarm, still single
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
