how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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