I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
