Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
