i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
