If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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