I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
