I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
