so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize