I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
