New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He kissed a someone with a penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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