Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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