im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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