Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I die, sorry about rent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize