He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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