That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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