Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize