They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
