his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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