She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize