I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
