yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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