you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
