I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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