I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
