I am puke
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
