my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize