I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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