what day is it and did you see me today?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His nipple licking is glorious
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