the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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