My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
