maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
