i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
