Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
