So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
