I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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