So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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