dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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