I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
