Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
