so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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