I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
