so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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