Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
