he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
