oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
