i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
