please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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