Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
