I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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