our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
