You just made me feel so damn special
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
