Moan for me like Helen Keller
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
