Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
