Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
