Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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