Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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