I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
