Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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