If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
