shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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