people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
