I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He has the fingertips of a God
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