if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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