Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
