You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
