I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
