Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
