Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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